While studying many different areas of self improvement, one of the most significant themes that always comes up, is how to get what we really want. The first step, naturally, is what I posted in my last blog, and that’s knowing what we want. We obviously can’t get what we want unless we know what that is. Getting what we want is a whole different task.

So what do we really want? How do we know that we really want it? Is it only a desire, or a need?   Is what we want congruent with our values and beliefs? How bad do we want it? What are the positive and negative effects we will experience if we decide to pursue this goal? Is this a long term goal, or are we seeking immediate gratification? What are the risks? Are there obstacles? I can go on and on with questions, but the reason I listed so many, is that this is what we do to ourselves – or most of us for that matter. We begin to evaluate. The unfortunate part is, that our brain does this evaluation so quickly, that we are often left standing there in a negative, dizzy spell. We automatically feel that it will be too hard, so why bother; don’t fall into this trap!

By now, you might be saying to yourself, no wonder I’m not getting what I want. But I have some ideas that can help you create more clarity and personal power. This is indeed a vital area of self improvement.

First, getting what we really want takes some thought. You have to be willing to have a heart-to-heart with yourself, and obviously – be honest! Look at each area of your life today, and ask yourself, “what would I change to make it the way I want?” 

For this example, I will use our physical health.  In answering the question above (what would I change to make it the way I want), “I will change the time I eat dinner from 8PM to 7PM. I will also change what I consume after dinner and limit that to water only.  I will also change my activities after dinner. Instead of sitting and watching television, I will take a 20 minute walk around the block before I rest.”

I have a question for you. If these changes were followed, how would this persons life change? I don’t think that anyone wants to have poor physical health, but most of us don’t exactly commit to having excellent physical health. In other words, we really want to be healthy, but we get caught up in our day-to-day activities that seem more important in that moment. When do some of us try to make a change in our physical health? Right, after our physical exam when the doctor tells us that we need to lose 25 pounds because we are at risk of heart disease. I think you get the picture.

So why don’t we get what we want, and how can we change this? Well, the answer to the first question, I believe, is that we don’t make what we want and absolute necessity. Think about it. Using the example above, if we made our physical health an absolute necessity, would we take it so lightly? If we committed to weighing a specific weight, having our waist a specific size, having outstanding stamina and outrageous levels of energy, would we settle for less? The answer is no. We would not settle for less. The problem I believe, is that we don’t make what we want an absolute, unequivocal necessity. We somehow believe that it’s too hard and that other things need to get done in the moment. Eventually, it’s like we got caught in quicksand. We begin to sink and it’s a hell of a struggle to get out.

How can we change this? We need to alter the miscues in our perceptions of actions we are taking. This is why self improvement is so important. We are not born perfect, thus our actions are not perfect. However, we can strive to be and do better. So, altering our miscues of perception is key to getting what we really want. If we want something – make it more important than watching TV, spending countless hours chatting online, staying later at your job, and even oversleeping. We have to make what we want paramount. Please note that this does not mean that we reject everything else. Making a commitment to yourself does sound selfish, but think for a moment, has not making a commitment to yourself worked up until now? Are you getting what you want? Again using the previous example, if you need to exercise for 20 minutes, wouldn’t that be easy to do? Then why don’t we do it? Could it be that there is a fear holding you back? Are you committing to do things of lesser importance? Take a look at what’s stopping you from taking action – whether it’s in your physical health, your finances, your relationships, your quality of life, your self-esteem, self improvement or in any area of your life. What do you think is stopping you? Could being organized and sticking to a schedule help you out? What is a schedule anyway? Isn’t it an organized listing of commitments? Think about ordering your commitments. This will make time for many of them. This will help take pressure off of you, give you the clarity you need to take action on getting what you want.

Getting what we want is possible. The problem, is that we focus on things that we really don’t want or on things that move us further away from our goals.  To create self improvement in this area, we can instead order, make time and commit to things we really want to have and do. If we want something – commit to it, make it a priority and go for it.

Finally, as a personal life coach, I can help you create the focus necessary to make these changes and help you achieve goals in many areas of your life. If you are interested in personal life coaching click here for more information.